Noah has had a rough few nights since returning home but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. With Jenna being a psychologist and myself being in pediatrics for 11 years we've had our theories. We think Noah has just been confused and scared. When we told him 'Bye' a few weeks ago it ended up being for 2+ weeks and he'd never spent a night without one of us...or woken up without 1 of us. As the days went on he was sick and scared so his grandparents (rightfully so) lavished attention on him to compensate. After he got home to us and we tried to care for him, he didn't trust us. This was understandable because in his eyes we had broken the trust he had in us.
When he got home it took him a few minutes to go to Jenna. After he warmed up to her I got home. The first sign I really saw was the first time I left without him. When I told him 'Bye' he threw a fit. We mistook his new fits as being spoiled when he first got home (and in an earlier post). Now we think it's way different. It's a scared cry. When I left it wasn't the 'The world isn't going as I want' cry. It was the 'I fell off the chair and hit my head on the floor cry.' Even when you picked him up the cry would continue for a few minutes. He was scared I wasn't coming back. That may seem silly but I had just told him 'Bye' and he didn't see me for over 2 weeks. He was scared the same thing was happening because the trust that I'd be right back had been broken.
Then we tried shoe-horning him into his old routine. Only he had a new routine he was used to now. That first night he woke up about midnight. It wasn't the old 'Waaaa I can't find my pacifier and I really want to go back to sleep!' Instead it was a whole new 'WAAAAAAAAA WHERE THE HELL AM I!?!?' He was scared to death. When I'd go in there, he would literally jump into my arms and cling to me to make sure I wasn't leaving. The first night he and I spent 2 and 3 hours in the chair in his room. The second night he was fine with me in the room but would not let me leave until eventually I relented and lay down with him in the spare bedroom. Saturday night was not much better. Again I will reiterate that he was scared. We've let him cry plenty of times in his crib. We can even distinguish cries meaning he's wet vs. he dropped his pacifier vs. him just not wanting to go to bed. We can fix/ignore all of those cries in record time. This we couldn't fix and there is no way you could ignore it.
Well I'm happy to report that I think Noah trusts he'll see us again when he wakes up or is falling asleep. Last night he woke up around 11PMish with his old 'I thought I was just taking a nap why is it dark outside" cry. We ignored him and within 5 minutes he was back asleep. Then he slept all the way to 730 this morning. Then instead of the new terrorized scream it was the old 'Come on guys wake up, change my diaper, and I give me some milk' cry.
I've never been so happy to hear a cry in my life. Jenna wanted to take care of him this morning and let me go back to bed. He's been super-clingy to whatever person gets him first in the morning. So we went in there and I picked him up from behind Jenna and put him in her arms. Only she can't hold him so I stood behind her with my arms wrapped around her supporting his bottom. This worked fine to the changing table. When we left the changing table and headed to the living room was a whole different ballgame. He kept leaning over her shoulder and trying to push me away. He even grabbed by arm and pushed with his arms and tried to scoot his butt out. Luckily I'm stronger than him so he didn't fall. They sat in the chair and I fixed his milk and then came back to bed to write this. This may not seem like a big deal but it really is to us. The way Noah looked at us when he cried like that was heartbreaking. To have him back to 'normal' is priceless. I know it sounds like a Mastercard commercial but it's true.
Jenna's body is getting stronger each day but not all wounds are to the body and some wounds are shared between us all. Having him back filled a gap in our home that was impossible to describe. Having his trust back shows that we are truly healing as a family from this dreadful disease.
When he got home it took him a few minutes to go to Jenna. After he warmed up to her I got home. The first sign I really saw was the first time I left without him. When I told him 'Bye' he threw a fit. We mistook his new fits as being spoiled when he first got home (and in an earlier post). Now we think it's way different. It's a scared cry. When I left it wasn't the 'The world isn't going as I want' cry. It was the 'I fell off the chair and hit my head on the floor cry.' Even when you picked him up the cry would continue for a few minutes. He was scared I wasn't coming back. That may seem silly but I had just told him 'Bye' and he didn't see me for over 2 weeks. He was scared the same thing was happening because the trust that I'd be right back had been broken.
Then we tried shoe-horning him into his old routine. Only he had a new routine he was used to now. That first night he woke up about midnight. It wasn't the old 'Waaaa I can't find my pacifier and I really want to go back to sleep!' Instead it was a whole new 'WAAAAAAAAA WHERE THE HELL AM I!?!?' He was scared to death. When I'd go in there, he would literally jump into my arms and cling to me to make sure I wasn't leaving. The first night he and I spent 2 and 3 hours in the chair in his room. The second night he was fine with me in the room but would not let me leave until eventually I relented and lay down with him in the spare bedroom. Saturday night was not much better. Again I will reiterate that he was scared. We've let him cry plenty of times in his crib. We can even distinguish cries meaning he's wet vs. he dropped his pacifier vs. him just not wanting to go to bed. We can fix/ignore all of those cries in record time. This we couldn't fix and there is no way you could ignore it.
Well I'm happy to report that I think Noah trusts he'll see us again when he wakes up or is falling asleep. Last night he woke up around 11PMish with his old 'I thought I was just taking a nap why is it dark outside" cry. We ignored him and within 5 minutes he was back asleep. Then he slept all the way to 730 this morning. Then instead of the new terrorized scream it was the old 'Come on guys wake up, change my diaper, and I give me some milk' cry.
I've never been so happy to hear a cry in my life. Jenna wanted to take care of him this morning and let me go back to bed. He's been super-clingy to whatever person gets him first in the morning. So we went in there and I picked him up from behind Jenna and put him in her arms. Only she can't hold him so I stood behind her with my arms wrapped around her supporting his bottom. This worked fine to the changing table. When we left the changing table and headed to the living room was a whole different ballgame. He kept leaning over her shoulder and trying to push me away. He even grabbed by arm and pushed with his arms and tried to scoot his butt out. Luckily I'm stronger than him so he didn't fall. They sat in the chair and I fixed his milk and then came back to bed to write this. This may not seem like a big deal but it really is to us. The way Noah looked at us when he cried like that was heartbreaking. To have him back to 'normal' is priceless. I know it sounds like a Mastercard commercial but it's true.
Jenna's body is getting stronger each day but not all wounds are to the body and some wounds are shared between us all. Having him back filled a gap in our home that was impossible to describe. Having his trust back shows that we are truly healing as a family from this dreadful disease.
