Christmas 2016

I almost titled it "An Embarrassment of Riches." Christmas was a mixed bag this year. We got a good solid 19 day break from school, including a week before Christmas. So we got plenty of time to just hang out as a core group. Then we traveled for the south Arkansas tour. It felt rushed like it always does but it was still almost a week from home. We had nice visits with everyone. Jared and his girls were only in town for one day so we didn't get much time with them. Holly and the AZ crew weren't able to make it at all this year so that was a bummer too. It was also our first Christmas without toys, which Jenna celebrated but kind of struck me with melancholy. Happy holidays to everyone. I sincerely hope it was filled with love and joy. 

Thinking of my Papaw tonight

It's funny the things in life that remind you of a person even when you never experienced that "thing" with them.

I'm sure my grandfather had many things he loved in this world.  The same way I love baseball, Pearl Jam, and learning new things.  Unfortunately we never had the relationship where we shared things outside of the usual grandfather/grandson relationship. I remember him telling me when he thought I was screwing up breaking up with my high school girlfriend.  I was right on that one.  I remember him telling me not to trust my stepfather.  He was right on that one.  But outside of a few of these moments here and there when we were alone we were just a grandfather and his grandson. 

There are a few things I know about my Papaw without us having an "official" conversation about them.  I know he loved his daughters.  I know he loved his wife.  I know he loved me. Above all I know he loved the Lord. Another love he had though that we shared was the love of the river.

I remember putting his boat into the Ouachita River and trying to find the right fishing spot.  I remember seeing a sturgeon jump 10 feet from the water about 25 yards in front of our boat and snapping my head back and seeing his smile and that little glimmer in his eye that he couldn't believe it either.  I remember camping beside the river with Jeff and I cringing at the sound of him eating sardines.  I remember crossing the ferry over the river with him getting out and just staring at the water like there was an answer there to a question only he knew.  I remember a lot here and there.

I remember my Papaw and I miss him.

He's been gone too long now but sometimes something happens and I think of him.  I'm sure we all have moments in time where something out of the ordinary makes us think of someone we want one more conversation with. I have one thing that always, without fail, makes me think of my grandfather. It's a song.  It's a song that I honestly don't think he would like.  But I like it and it always makes me think of him. 

The song has multiple layers about a man finding the welcoming arms of his savior after a lifetime of breaking his own body and spirit.  What I love is the beginning where he looks into the river, cold and black. Here he sees himself as he sees himself but it ends with the the man begging the water to rise and take his reflection away. Then he's left with the way God sees him which was the point of the song all along.  As always with good music, your mileage may vary.

I love the song.  I love my Papaw.  The two are forever intwined in my mind. Maybe he loves this song too.  I intend to ask him when I see him again.

Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds perform "The Maker" (Live at Radio City Hall)

Father and son and a whole lot of questions

So Jenna and I were going through a lot of stuff when we moved our furniture onto our new floors. We came across a roll of film...undeveloped.

​She thought we should develop it right away.  I wasn't so sure.  Who knows how old the roll was? It could have been of anybody or anything.  To this point in my life I haven't been lacking without the contents of this roll. So I was...we'll say apprehensive.

Yesterday, common sense was overruled by curiousity. I dropped the roll off at Bedford.  The guy said it was really old and a type that hasn't been used in "forever."  He was scared the film wouldn't have survived but they'd give it a shot.

​It developed. The roll in itself isn't that interesting.  it was shot in black and white (?). It was a weekend Melissa, Dad, and Rosalyn were visiting.  I was (thankfully) dating Jenna.  It was at my old house on Oleander.  Dad and I were obviously on our way to play golf. I was drinking Michelob Light in a can.

Then it takes a turn for the surreal.  He and I are....signing golf balls?!?!?!? ​We are then posing in front of our golfbags...that are empty.  Then we strike poses...like superheroes.  

Truth is stranger than fiction.​

​

Our orange belt

Noah loves karate. He's worked so hard.  He came into the last cycle partway so he's been stuck on white belt for a lot longer than the usual 6 weeks and he's had his forms down pat for a month.  This weekend was his first graduation and I know I'm his dad but I'll have to tell you he was a rockstar.  He was loud, he had perfect form, and he had all the answers for the judges. It was made even more special since Jana, Melissa, Mamaw and Papaw were there to see him. Today's his first time to go with his new orange belt and he's so excited he can't stand it.

Mamaw and Papaw for the Weekend

We had a really nice weekend with Mamaw and Papaw coming to visit.  They did the usual.  Pancakes at McDonald's to start the day. Happy Meals at lunch. Then they play wherever the kid's want.  On Saturday, Jenna and I took advantage of them and took off to Tulsa for the night. We went to the Heritage Beer Festival while the kids went to the Drive-Thru-Safari in Gentry. Win-win all the way around :)

Gallery and slideshow up now.

 

My boy!

Noah was in South Arkansas last week hanging out with Jana, Aunt 'Lissa', and all the grand parents. He was originally scheduled to come back Thursday but circumstances have held him down south til Friday-by circumstance I mean none of his grandparents wanted to give him back.

Here are some pics they sent.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once he got back he didn't want to leave the house the whole weekend.  He pretty much stayed in his pajamas or Spider-Man costume.  We even converted the living room for him so he could 'camp out'.

I hate cancer

 

Tonight I googled a specific family member to prove a point what an open book the internet is---I was already formulating my "Stop writing things online you don't want your boss to read!" tirade.

Then I got derailed. The exact string of terms I put into Google yielded this link as the first result.

http://www.youngsfuneralhome.com/sitemaker/sites/Youngs1/obit.cgi?user=599_CRotton154

I see this picture most Sunday's when I open my Papaw's Bible to the verse Stephen wants to tell me about. This was the picture on the program at his funeral. I always open it and see all of his grandsons' names written there as pallbearers and I swear it never makes me sad. It's just a cool moment and then I listen to Stephen while watching the same 10 year old boy sitting in front of me and honestly doing his best to sit still. I'll smile and think when I was that boy and Mom would quietly pull my hair a little to get my attention then drop her "If you don't sit still...." stare. Then I chuckle at the contrast of Papaw never taking his eyes off the preacher and gently putting his hand on my knee and instantly he'd turn me into a statue.

Tonight the picture had a different effect. Maybe it was tonight's committee meeting for the Race for the Cure (April 30-Go Breast Brigade!) and sitting with so many there as survivors and so many there for those that didn't . Maybe it was being on the radio this morning listening to Stephna tell Jennifer Irwin about her Mom's struggle with breast cancer and the fear she has for her daughters. Maybe it was being with Alison a few times today and the memory of sitting at a table holding her Mom's hand while she cried listening to her daughter in tears telling 300 strangers in Fort Smith about her Daddy coming home from his oncologist time and again and proclaiming, "Good news! I got a 30 day guarantee!" Maybe it's reading twitter updates from Pat Fries and his courage keeping everyone up to date as he and Sara soldier on at MD Anderson.

All I know is I'm up at almost 2AM and I have no idea why but I cannot get this picture out of my head. My Papaw died of cancer but it didn't really rob me of him. He had a long, full life. Tonight though I just look at his picture and think how much I hate cancer. A couple of year's ago, Jenna's best friend Valerie watched me on a panel on TV and asked me why I was so serious on there since it's such a huge contrast to the real me. All I could tell her was I found absolutely nothing to smile about when I was asked the things cancer took from my wife. The things it has taken from all of us.

I hate cancer. I truly do.

 

 

http://thesullivanadventure.com/blog/2008/8/7/cloise-rotton-1924-2008.html

In my defense

Ladies and gentleman of the jury. My wife has accused me of having an irrational love for the game of golf. Today I'd like to introduce a photo into evidence in my defense over the 9+ years of our relationship. My pursuit of golf comes from poor genetic coding not from a desire to spend time away from her. So I introduce this photo of my father yesterday.

I rest my case.