I may have committed a felony the other day.
On April 15th I had to mail a letter and every possible ill fate conspired against me. As we all know, the taxman cometh on the 15th. I knew the lines at the post office would be longer than...I can't think of a family friendly way to finish this sentence so I'm just gonna leave it alone.
The first stamps to elude my grasp were in my SUV. You see I keep a big roll of stamps in my SUV, only I wasn't in my car this day. No, Jenna's car was in the shop getting a new heater core to stop the incessant leaking of antifreeze into her passenger floorboard. So Jenna was in my car and I was in a friend's truck.
I asked everybody I worked with all day long for a stamp but no one had any to spare. I asked the checkout girl at Harp's when I was getting lunch (I swear some grocery stores sell stamps I just can't remember which one).
I stopped at the Johnson Post Office (its small and no crowds) but he was already gone (closes up before noon). I asked my 2 private kid's parents that afternoon and neither had a stamp.
Short of skipping work and going home to the large roll in my study, I was completely out of luck. It was now 4:45 and I had just enough time to get to the Post Office.
When I arrived, my worst fears were fully realized. The line was out the double doors and down the building. I went in to see if by some miracle the machine was working (the PO on Joyce has never had a working stamp machine to my knowledge). Not only was it not working-it wasn't even there. They probably took the thing out back and shot it. I looked at the door and realized they were going to close at 5:30 and I really doubted that line could be done before that.
So I did the only thing I could think to do. I pulled out a dollar and announced to the room that I would pay $1 for 1 stamp. I imagine the initial drawing of guns by bankrobbers generally get the same look of disbelief that greeted me. I know people in line at the PO are there because they lack sufficient postage but with the certified mail/return receipt/etc. of tax day surely to God somebody has a stamp for a dollar!!!!! When no one said anything I walked outside and announced my intentions to give a whole dollar for 1-42 cent stamp. I faired better outside as a gentleman stepped forward and without a word exchanged between us I handed him a dollar and he handed me a stamp. I went in and put my mail in the slot and left feeling very good about myself.
Then things took a turn for the surreal. I held the door open for a man leaving at the same time. As we walked down the same sidewalk to our cars he said to me, "You do know it's illegal to sell stamps for more than their face value right?" I had a moment of-panic is way too strong of a word but I'm drawing a blank for anything else-panic before my brain processed what he said. I retorted something like, "No its not. Stamps go up in value and its not illegal to sell them for more than you paid." He shook his head and replied, "That's only for out of print stamps. I think its actually a felony."
I left thinking, could I have possibly walked into the Post Office to commit a felony? I'm a big believer in what I call my "newspaper morality" code. We've all seen articles in email or on Leno where someone does something so stupid you think the newspaper made it up. I always like to choose my actions by thinking "If this goes wrong, how stupid is my name going to look in the paper." It's a simple code but its the reason I'll never put a .22 bullet in my fuse box if my headlight fuse blows out on a dark night. Do you know how stupid that guy looked? Now I'm driving home thinking about Matt Lauer saying "Remember that story we covered last year about the idiot who went to the post office and offered more money than the stamps were worth? He was sentenced to 10 years in a federal penitentiary yesterday."
I arrived safely home with no arrests and went immediately to Google. There is actually a lot of debate over this on the internet. Many stores apparently offer stamps as a courtesy and charge more. However, just because people do it doesn't mean it's legal so I delved deeper. Many people claim it is illegal and yes most say it is a felony. All of these people agree it only applies to 'current production' stamps.
Finally I realized I was an idiot for reading other idiots on internet message boards. I went to the authority and did a search at usps.com for "selling stamps." There in plain English is the following:
"The Postal Service sells stamps at face value to everyone. We have no control over the pricing policies of private entrepreneurs, companies or agencies who resell our products. A charge at a higher price is most likely imposed to earn a return on their investment of capital and effort. The prices they charge are, no doubt, established on the basis of their needs and market evaluations."
So there you go, a round about long version of the morality lesson-Don't talk to strangers.
On April 15th I had to mail a letter and every possible ill fate conspired against me. As we all know, the taxman cometh on the 15th. I knew the lines at the post office would be longer than...I can't think of a family friendly way to finish this sentence so I'm just gonna leave it alone.
The first stamps to elude my grasp were in my SUV. You see I keep a big roll of stamps in my SUV, only I wasn't in my car this day. No, Jenna's car was in the shop getting a new heater core to stop the incessant leaking of antifreeze into her passenger floorboard. So Jenna was in my car and I was in a friend's truck.
I asked everybody I worked with all day long for a stamp but no one had any to spare. I asked the checkout girl at Harp's when I was getting lunch (I swear some grocery stores sell stamps I just can't remember which one).
I stopped at the Johnson Post Office (its small and no crowds) but he was already gone (closes up before noon). I asked my 2 private kid's parents that afternoon and neither had a stamp.
Short of skipping work and going home to the large roll in my study, I was completely out of luck. It was now 4:45 and I had just enough time to get to the Post Office.
When I arrived, my worst fears were fully realized. The line was out the double doors and down the building. I went in to see if by some miracle the machine was working (the PO on Joyce has never had a working stamp machine to my knowledge). Not only was it not working-it wasn't even there. They probably took the thing out back and shot it. I looked at the door and realized they were going to close at 5:30 and I really doubted that line could be done before that.
So I did the only thing I could think to do. I pulled out a dollar and announced to the room that I would pay $1 for 1 stamp. I imagine the initial drawing of guns by bankrobbers generally get the same look of disbelief that greeted me. I know people in line at the PO are there because they lack sufficient postage but with the certified mail/return receipt/etc. of tax day surely to God somebody has a stamp for a dollar!!!!! When no one said anything I walked outside and announced my intentions to give a whole dollar for 1-42 cent stamp. I faired better outside as a gentleman stepped forward and without a word exchanged between us I handed him a dollar and he handed me a stamp. I went in and put my mail in the slot and left feeling very good about myself.
Then things took a turn for the surreal. I held the door open for a man leaving at the same time. As we walked down the same sidewalk to our cars he said to me, "You do know it's illegal to sell stamps for more than their face value right?" I had a moment of-panic is way too strong of a word but I'm drawing a blank for anything else-panic before my brain processed what he said. I retorted something like, "No its not. Stamps go up in value and its not illegal to sell them for more than you paid." He shook his head and replied, "That's only for out of print stamps. I think its actually a felony."
I left thinking, could I have possibly walked into the Post Office to commit a felony? I'm a big believer in what I call my "newspaper morality" code. We've all seen articles in email or on Leno where someone does something so stupid you think the newspaper made it up. I always like to choose my actions by thinking "If this goes wrong, how stupid is my name going to look in the paper." It's a simple code but its the reason I'll never put a .22 bullet in my fuse box if my headlight fuse blows out on a dark night. Do you know how stupid that guy looked? Now I'm driving home thinking about Matt Lauer saying "Remember that story we covered last year about the idiot who went to the post office and offered more money than the stamps were worth? He was sentenced to 10 years in a federal penitentiary yesterday."
I arrived safely home with no arrests and went immediately to Google. There is actually a lot of debate over this on the internet. Many stores apparently offer stamps as a courtesy and charge more. However, just because people do it doesn't mean it's legal so I delved deeper. Many people claim it is illegal and yes most say it is a felony. All of these people agree it only applies to 'current production' stamps.
Finally I realized I was an idiot for reading other idiots on internet message boards. I went to the authority and did a search at usps.com for "selling stamps." There in plain English is the following:
"The Postal Service sells stamps at face value to everyone. We have no control over the pricing policies of private entrepreneurs, companies or agencies who resell our products. A charge at a higher price is most likely imposed to earn a return on their investment of capital and effort. The prices they charge are, no doubt, established on the basis of their needs and market evaluations."
So there you go, a round about long version of the morality lesson-Don't talk to strangers.
