Then I got derailed. The exact string of terms I put into Google yielded this link as the first result.
http://www.youngsfuneralhome.com/sitemaker/sites/Youngs1/obit.cgi?user=599_CRotton154
I see this picture most Sunday's when I open my Papaw's Bible to the verse Stephen wants to tell me about. This was the picture on the program at his funeral. I always open it and see all of his grandsons' names written there as pallbearers and I swear it never makes me sad. It's just a cool moment and then I listen to Stephen while watching the same 10 year old boy sitting in front of me and honestly doing his best to sit still. I'll smile and think when I was that boy and Mom would quietly pull my hair a little to get my attention then drop her "If you don't sit still...." stare. Then I chuckle at the contrast of Papaw never taking his eyes off the preacher and gently putting his hand on my knee and instantly he'd turn me into a statue.
Tonight the picture had a different effect. Maybe it was tonight's committee meeting for the Race for the Cure (April 30-Go Breast Brigade!) and sitting with so many there as survivors and so many there for those that didn't . Maybe it was being on the radio this morning listening to Stephna tell Jennifer Irwin about her Mom's struggle with breast cancer and the fear she has for her daughters. Maybe it was being with Alison a few times today and the memory of sitting at a table holding her Mom's hand while she cried listening to her daughter in tears telling 300 strangers in Fort Smith about her Daddy coming home from his oncologist time and again and proclaiming, "Good news! I got a 30 day guarantee!" Maybe it's reading twitter updates from Pat Fries and his courage keeping everyone up to date as he and Sara soldier on at MD Anderson.
All I know is I'm up at almost 2AM and I have no idea why but I cannot get this picture out of my head. My Papaw died of cancer but it didn't really rob me of him. He had a long, full life. Tonight though I just look at his picture and think how much I hate cancer. A couple of year's ago, Jenna's best friend Valerie watched me on a panel on TV and asked me why I was so serious on there since it's such a huge contrast to the real me. All I could tell her was I found absolutely nothing to smile about when I was asked the things cancer took from my wife. The things it has taken from all of us.
I hate cancer. I truly do.
http://thesullivanadventure.com/blog/2008/8/7/cloise-rotton-1924-2008.html
