It's funny the things in life that remind you of a person even when you never experienced that "thing" with them.
I'm sure my grandfather had many things he loved in this world. The same way I love baseball, Pearl Jam, and learning new things. Unfortunately we never had the relationship where we shared things outside of the usual grandfather/grandson relationship. I remember him telling me when he thought I was screwing up breaking up with my high school girlfriend. I was right on that one. I remember him telling me not to trust my stepfather. He was right on that one. But outside of a few of these moments here and there when we were alone we were just a grandfather and his grandson.
There are a few things I know about my Papaw without us having an "official" conversation about them. I know he loved his daughters. I know he loved his wife. I know he loved me. Above all I know he loved the Lord. Another love he had though that we shared was the love of the river.
I remember putting his boat into the Ouachita River and trying to find the right fishing spot. I remember seeing a sturgeon jump 10 feet from the water about 25 yards in front of our boat and snapping my head back and seeing his smile and that little glimmer in his eye that he couldn't believe it either. I remember camping beside the river with Jeff and I cringing at the sound of him eating sardines. I remember crossing the ferry over the river with him getting out and just staring at the water like there was an answer there to a question only he knew. I remember a lot here and there.
I remember my Papaw and I miss him.
He's been gone too long now but sometimes something happens and I think of him. I'm sure we all have moments in time where something out of the ordinary makes us think of someone we want one more conversation with. I have one thing that always, without fail, makes me think of my grandfather. It's a song. It's a song that I honestly don't think he would like. But I like it and it always makes me think of him.
The song has multiple layers about a man finding the welcoming arms of his savior after a lifetime of breaking his own body and spirit. What I love is the beginning where he looks into the river, cold and black. Here he sees himself as he sees himself but it ends with the the man begging the water to rise and take his reflection away. Then he's left with the way God sees him which was the point of the song all along. As always with good music, your mileage may vary.
I love the song. I love my Papaw. The two are forever intwined in my mind. Maybe he loves this song too. I intend to ask him when I see him again.
