Brief update

Jenna kept saying she was going to post the past couple of days but she hasn't gotten to it yet. Lucky you guys get an update from me instead :) I'm trying to type this between allergy attacks.

Jenna went back to Dr. Atwood on Wednesday. He thought overall she continues to do great. There is some fluid built up in her back on her left side. Not quite enough to drain with a needle, but still enough to keep an eye on. She now has to wear a compression wrap 12 hrs a day. Think medieval corset and you get the picture. The good news was she's healing nicely and in 2 weeks she'll have her first expansion in her tissue expanders. This will help her psyche tremendously as I'm hoping the word 'pancake' leaves her vocabulary for good.

Magga decided last minute to come up this weekend. She and Aunt Sarah and Aunt Beverly went to Oregon last week to see Aunt Amanda. They took a tour of Nike's home office, where Amanda works, and Magga brought home a lot of Nike goodies from the employee store. It was a good excuse to come up to see the Biscuit. He's played all morning and is now starting the 2nd hour of a nap. I decided to use the 1st hour to mow and it may have been a mistake on my part since I ran out of my Rx. allergy eye drops yesterday and now it feels like someone took my eyeballs out, ran them over a sanding belt, and then stuck them back in.

I'm starting to ramble (and I'm losing focus on the screen as my eyes water) so I'll cut it off here.

Another day at home...hmmm

Well...I have decided women are silly, complicated creatures! And, yes, this is Jenna posting. I have so much ridiculous guilt associated with the fact that I cannot do ANYTHING around this house. I can barely even take care of myself. I had a pretty big celebration the other day when, I could actually wash my hair alone. I have not seen a lot of you, but I got my hair cut pretty short. I decided to this when I could not reach my hair to even attempt to fix it. My Chad is good at a lot of really neat things, but a hairdresser he is not! Anyway, I say all of this to tell another touching tale. Today, I was sitting on my bed organizing my jewelry and shining some of my silver earrings. You know, it seems I am always on target to be on time to work, then I get lost in my jewelry box looking for just the right pair. So, I am thinking I will get this together and that will help when I go back to work. Anyway, Joanna Davis from our church called to see how I was feeling. At our church right now they are doing their Fall membership drive and are giving away prizes for the member who brings the most guests. The family who won this week received a free 2 hour house cleaning. This particular family opted out of the prize because they have trained their children to help keep the house, which Noah, and his parents for that matter, have not yet mastered. They instead wanted to offer it to another member in the church who was recovering from cancer. Joanna thought of me. Now, the staff at Hellstern have been so caring and generous and have been covering my regular housekeeper, which has been a tremendous blessing. I thought though with this, maybe I could get some stains out of the carpet or have the baseboards and doors worked on...the possibilities are endless. I mean I do have three large, recently always under my feet, K-9 and they bring in tons of dirt! It is good to have had all these angels help me along the way. You know, they say don't sweat the small stuff, but sometimes it is all about the small stuff.

Little show-off

Noah slept for 14 hours last night!!! He went down at 8 and slept until after 10 this morning. The result is a child in a wonderful mood. He's eating lunch right now and he's just cycling through all his old "tricks" and then did a few we've been working on for the first time. After babbling 'Da-Da-Da-Daddy' several times he looked at Jenna and said 'Ma-Ma.' He has done this before but it is so rare and usually it's when Jenna's in his face saying it and he repeats it. Not this time. Then he went through his known signs for more, milk, and let me hold the spoon. Okay so that last one isn't actually sign language but it's pretty apparent what he wants. He accurately cycled through his body parts (except nose which has moved to his head but he knew it well at one point in time). Then he dropped the big one on us. Without a demonstration he blew a kiss when asked. It was hilarious and we laughed and celebrated. He celebrated by doing it again. The other new thing for today is he is actually saying the word 'Hi' instead of grunting some variation of the 'h' sound. He said it on the phone to his great-aunt Judy.

Hopefully the mood will last because it's pouring down rain outside so we'll all be in close quarters for the day.

Texarkana Race for the Cure

For those of you reading from Texarkana or family in ElDo or anywhere close to there the Race for the cure in Texarkana is 10/20. Some of my mother's friends have gotten together a team in my name. The team is actually called Jenna's Mother Hens and Friends. There are currently about 20 people registered. I don't think ElDo has a Race for the Cure and I would be honored if any of you there would like to participate in Texarkana on my team. Chad and I are both going to do it. I would like to try to run the race, but considering my current condition I don't know if I can gain the endurance by then. We'll see...I mean I did do a 1/2 marathon when I was a nonrunner prior to training so who knows! Below is part of an email that my friend Molly Beth Malcolm composed about the details for signing up:

To be eligible for Team awards, you must be entered by September 26, so we are asking everyone to register and get your t-shirt size and money in by Tuesday, September 25! We think there is a good chance of being the winner of the new team with the most members, so please sign in soon and get your friends and spouses to join. Men are welcome, too! Weldon Johnson, Curt Green, Bruce Malcolm, and Josh Wiggins are already on board.

We also are entering the team t-shirt contest. Vicky Starks is designing it and it is going to be darling!!! The cost will be $10.00 per t-shirt and we will wear them on the day of the race. Please get your t-shirt size (S,M,L,XL, or XXL) and $10.00 to Diane Green at 870-773-5722, Vicky Starks at 870-773-6160 or Junie Young at 870-773-4139 as soon as possible. (You will also receive a Komen t-shirt with your registration.)

Here is the information needed to register on line. Go to www.txkrace.org Click on “register”. Then click on “Join an existing team.” Type “jenna” in the team name box and click on “Search for Team.” It will go to “Jenna’s Mother Hens and Friends”. Click on “join”. You may join at any level, but most of us are going to join the Adult Non-competitive 5KJog/Walk. If you are unable to walk with us, you can still be on our team by joining Sleep In for the Cure. The next part of the form asks for an additional gift, your fundraising goal, or pink postcard purchase. None of those are necessary unless you choose to participate in them. Delete the $100 amount from your fundraising goal line. Follow the registration through to your credit card information. Once everything is completed you will receive an email confirmation.

Please call me if you have additional questions.

Also, the deadline for ordering any pics of Noah is 9/9. Lanningphoto.com is the site. Click on proofs and ordering and look for my name. The password is Noah.

I believe Mrs. Jenna is going to take it easy on this Friday. I am wearing my lovely compression bandage around my waist and it actually feels sort of nice on my back having that pressure. Everyone enjoy your weekend. I am going to enjoy mine with my two favorite boys!!

Good News

Well today at Atwood's office, Candy said she thinks I look really good. I do have a small pocket of fluid in my back on the left side. That is code for, "Jenna, slow down." It was really weird looking. She touched one spot in my back and another spot moved. I left with a make shift corset without the boning (picture a huge piece of elastic wrapped around my waist) in order to gently compress the fluid. I was given the okay to drive to ONE place and then home again. She squashed the idea of trying to work part time next week since I have the fluid in my back. It was her recommendation that I work on slowly trying to increase my endurance next week and enjoy some early afternoon time with Noah. I have some exercises to do to stretch out the muscles under my arm. I go again next week to check the fluid situation.

At Highlands oncology, we had a long conversation with Dr. Rosenfeld and left having made the decision not do do any follow up treatment at this time. The drug tamoxifican would reduce my chances of recurrance by half. However, since I only had DCIS with no lymph involovment and no other evidence of invasive cancer, my chances of recurrance are very minimal anyway. Also, if I took this drug, the time frame for treatment is five years and upon completion there is a 30% chance my normal cycles would not return; therefore, I would not be able to get pregnant. If they did return, I would be 36 at the time which is also an increased risk for something going wrong with a pregnancy.

I asked him point blank, if this were his wife and they were considering another child what would he tell her to do. He said he would not do it. He advised Chad and I to go ahead with our life plans as we had designed pre-breast cancer. He feels like my condition is very favorable. He said it is never too late to take it. So, we could try for another child when we are ready and then do the drug later. He also followed all the baby discussion with the advice that I never use birth control pills again. So hopefully, we can hold off on another child for a while, then have another healthy baby, then do the drug so that this cancer will never rear its ugly head again in the small amount of breast tissue I have left.

Thanks again for your prayers. I feel like I have made it over another hurdle and am now ready to heal emotionally and physically and get on with my wonderful, blessed life.

Big day

We've neglected to share it with everyone but today is a pretty big day. Today we go to the oncologist for Jenna's final pathology. We already know part of what we'll find out and we already know what Dr. Cross' opinion is on the matter. However, Cross is our surgeon and these guys get the final say on some stuff. If they disagree...we'll have to see. It's hard to get second opinions sometimes because you feel like you're shopping for the answer you want to hear but if they disagree we'll probably seek a 2nd opinion to see our best course of treatment.

The big deal here is if Jenna's cancer was hormone related. This will determine what medication she will have to take from here out. We also get the final say on chemotherapy. We're pretty sure they will say no chemo since the pathology we do have shows no need but until the oncologist says so, it's not in stone. The main thing that could go wrong today is we may be told we can't have anymore children. We know there are other options out there to add another member to the family, but it will be hard if Jenna has to go through menopause and told she can't carry another child. Just send out a few more prayers and we'll be fine.

Jenna also goes to Atwood this afternoon. Hopefully she'll be cleared to do more stuff...like pick up Noah or drive a car. We'll see how she's healing. It's amazing that we are already 3 weeks after surgery. She's doing really well. The mold levels are up outside so we all have sniffles and Noah didn't cooperate with his bed last night so we are all exhausted, but her spirits are still high. Thanks for all the cards, flowers, and calls that continue to come in. As she gets further from the surgery and she's still not 'right' they seem to mean more and more to her.

I'll post tonight what the oncologist told us and hopefully it will be good news.

State of love and trust

Noah has had a rough few nights since returning home but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. With Jenna being a psychologist and myself being in pediatrics for 11 years we've had our theories. We think Noah has just been confused and scared. When we told him 'Bye' a few weeks ago it ended up being for 2+ weeks and he'd never spent a night without one of us...or woken up without 1 of us. As the days went on he was sick and scared so his grandparents (rightfully so) lavished attention on him to compensate. After he got home to us and we tried to care for him, he didn't trust us. This was understandable because in his eyes we had broken the trust he had in us.

When he got home it took him a few minutes to go to Jenna. After he warmed up to her I got home. The first sign I really saw was the first time I left without him. When I told him 'Bye' he threw a fit. We mistook his new fits as being spoiled when he first got home (and in an earlier post). Now we think it's way different. It's a scared cry. When I left it wasn't the 'The world isn't going as I want' cry. It was the 'I fell off the chair and hit my head on the floor cry.' Even when you picked him up the cry would continue for a few minutes. He was scared I wasn't coming back. That may seem silly but I had just told him 'Bye' and he didn't see me for over 2 weeks. He was scared the same thing was happening because the trust that I'd be right back had been broken.

Then we tried shoe-horning him into his old routine. Only he had a new routine he was used to now. That first night he woke up about midnight. It wasn't the old 'Waaaa I can't find my pacifier and I really want to go back to sleep!' Instead it was a whole new 'WAAAAAAAAA WHERE THE HELL AM I!?!?' He was scared to death. When I'd go in there, he would literally jump into my arms and cling to me to make sure I wasn't leaving. The first night he and I spent 2 and 3 hours in the chair in his room. The second night he was fine with me in the room but would not let me leave until eventually I relented and lay down with him in the spare bedroom. Saturday night was not much better. Again I will reiterate that he was scared. We've let him cry plenty of times in his crib. We can even distinguish cries meaning he's wet vs. he dropped his pacifier vs. him just not wanting to go to bed. We can fix/ignore all of those cries in record time. This we couldn't fix and there is no way you could ignore it.

Well I'm happy to report that I think Noah trusts he'll see us again when he wakes up or is falling asleep. Last night he woke up around 11PMish with his old 'I thought I was just taking a nap why is it dark outside" cry. We ignored him and within 5 minutes he was back asleep. Then he slept all the way to 730 this morning. Then instead of the new terrorized scream it was the old 'Come on guys wake up, change my diaper, and I give me some milk' cry.

I've never been so happy to hear a cry in my life. Jenna wanted to take care of him this morning and let me go back to bed. He's been super-clingy to whatever person gets him first in the morning. So we went in there and I picked him up from behind Jenna and put him in her arms. Only she can't hold him so I stood behind her with my arms wrapped around her supporting his bottom. This worked fine to the changing table. When we left the changing table and headed to the living room was a whole different ballgame. He kept leaning over her shoulder and trying to push me away. He even grabbed by arm and pushed with his arms and tried to scoot his butt out. Luckily I'm stronger than him so he didn't fall. They sat in the chair and I fixed his milk and then came back to bed to write this. This may not seem like a big deal but it really is to us. The way Noah looked at us when he cried like that was heartbreaking. To have him back to 'normal' is priceless. I know it sounds like a Mastercard commercial but it's true.

Jenna's body is getting stronger each day but not all wounds are to the body and some wounds are shared between us all. Having him back filled a gap in our home that was impossible to describe. Having his trust back shows that we are truly healing as a family from this dreadful disease.

"My name is Jenna and I have a Demarol problem."

"Hi Jenna!"
Okay its not that bad but Jenna went back to Dr. Cross today to plead her case for a refill of the Demarol. It's not that she's in pain. She's just really stiff. The deal breaker for her has been that she's not sleeping. The Darvacet at night has made her crazy. She talks in her sleep. I don't mean a word here or there. I mean she has conversations that I have to shake her awake from. The best so far was last night at 3AM when she started laughing. I mean really laughing. I woke her up to get her to stop. I asked what she was laughing at and she said, "Susan told me a joke." Then she went back to sleep. I had a hard time going to sleep because I kept one eye open looking for Noah's babysitter who apparently in her spare time is a stand up comedian in the middle of the night in my bedroom. This story is only slightly weirder than the other night when she woke up scratching my arm.

The title of this post is funny to me because Cross told her 'No.' She said 'But.' And he still said 'No.' He said she looks good and she's not in pain so there's no reason to be on a Class 2 narcotic. I never knew my wife had a drug problem. I guess it's just one more cross Noah and I will have to bear :)

What 2 weeks gets you these days...

I want to thank everyone in my family who pitched in the past couple of weeks to take care of the Biscuit (Noah). We never could have felt comfortable the past 2+ weeks if Noah was with anyone other than his family. It made the nights without him bearable knowing the people caring for him loved him as much as anyone in this world. The proof was that you were all sad to see him come back home. I really don't know what we would have done without your support and loving care. If you had not stepped to the plate then Granda and Pops would have and then they wouldn't have been there to offer the support for both Jenna and myself. Geez, come to think of it I don't know how we would have survived this without them too. I owe you guys a huge debt of gratitude as well. I've gotten slightly off topic but please know that Jenna and I are the luckiest people in the world to have a family strong in both support and love.

Now back to the topic. I didn't think Noah would change much in 2 weeks but apparently I don't know much. Jenna thinks he's taller but I can't tell. What I can tell is the 4 top teeth that shine when he smiles. The coordination when he runs now is much more fluid and graceful...graceful may be overstating things a tad. He can open a flip phone now. He says 'oggie' for the dogs. He says 'Daaaeee' much more pronounced. He knows his ears and his toes (to go along with the belly, nose, and eyes we taught him). And most of all his fits have now grown from 4's on the richter scale to a full 8. Thankfully we don't live in California. My favorite fit by far was when he wanted the phone and I said 'No.' He started to wail. Then he walked in the other room looking for Jenna. The door to the room was shut so he stopped crying and walked back to me in the living room. Only I wasn't there. I had migrated to the kitchen. He looked around, saw me, walked to the kitchen, and then when I made eye contact with him...he started to cry again. Of course, I relented and picked him up because it was too funny.

Both Magga and Mamaw have had a bad habit the past 2 weeks of laying down with Noah for both naps and when he woke up in the night. I really expected to have a hard time getting him down tonight after 2 weeks of sleeping with grandmother's but after he calmed down he fell asleep in my arms in his chair. I put him down and he didn't budge. Now I can't promise he won't wake up at 2AM screaming but so far so good.

The Eagle has landed

Noah is home!!!!! Mamaw and Papaw brought him up today about 3:30. To say this was a big deal at our house would be like saying Vegas has a few street lights. He spent the first 30 minutes running back and forth from the living room and his bedroom. The next 30 minutes was spent going back and forth from our laps. Then he calmed down and spent 30 minutes watching Curious George in Jenna's lap. He's already thrown one fit when Jenna didn't pick him up. She can sit down and let him climb in her lap or she we can put him in her lap when she's sitting in a chair. I don't know how we're gonna get him to understand she can't pick him up. Hopefully it won't be to bad as the days go on. Here's a picture of them watching Curious George. I feel like the Grinch (my heart grew 3 sizes today).
Noah is home

Tube Free

Yay! I am tube free and I feel like a new woman! I felt immediate relief when Candi ( our nurse at Atwood's office) pulled them out. She was sure to emphasize that this was not a green light for activity and that I still needed to take it really slow. I have heard that if I get a pocket of fluid then I will have to have it drained with a needle, ugh! So I am going to continue to try to be a good patient. I want to get back to my healthy self soon. I feel so 'ugh' right now because I am eating the same as always but I am not engaging in any activity. I am ready to get out and walk or play outside with Noah. I know all will come in good time. My mom came back tonight so she will be here to help me and make sure I don't push it. My precious Noah is coming home on Thursday. I am so thankful for my family in Eldo to have taken such good care of him. I feel sure he will be rotten when he gets home!!

Last drains out tomorrow!

Jenna overdid things a little bit last Friday/Saturday and her drain output spiked on Saturday, but they are back below the threshold and she will (hopefully) get them out tomorrow morning. Then she'll have a few days for the holes to heal up and then Noah gets to come home!!!!! His absence has really taken a toll the past few days. We look/talk to him each night on the webcam but he really doesn't 'get' that its Mommy and Daddy on the screen. He smiles and pats the screen for a few minutes and then he loses interest. It's hilarious to watch him in the background while we talk to his Mamaw and Papaw. Motion doesn't really capture well on a webcam so he's a little blur in the background running from room to room. He looks like Dash from the Incredibles. He looks like he's grown a foot although I know he hasn't. From all reports he's adjusted really well and has done much better than we thought he would. My Dad took him to play golf today and he said Noah loved getting the ball out of the hole for him. Of course, he kept putting it back in the hole but even Tiger had to start somewhere.

I'll let you know tomorrow about Atwood's decision on the drains.

Sorry the delay in an update

Sorry about the lack of an update but it has been a crazy day. Work was hectic and then Stabbing Goat had to bottle beer tonight and I have felt like the Energizer bunny since the alarm went off this morning. I'll highlight the latest news.

--Bogie is home and is doing well. The bleeding has stopped and his blood is clotting. He's on 3 different meds and a special dog food but he's acting/feeling much better. Thanks for the understanding about our dog being sick right now. Most of you know how much our dogs are a part of our lives.

--Jenna had a rough day. There's a spot on her below her right incision and right below where her drain is sewn into her skin that has gotten puffy, bruised, and very painful. The doctor got her in this afternoon and said it was fine. The gist of the conversation was: It feels like there's a foreign object in your back because there is a foreign object in your back.

--Noah has transitioned from Magga's house to his Mamaw and Papaw's house. It's only a few miles away but Magga had to go back to work so now its Mamaw's turn to get him to sleep at night. The first report was very good as he slept 12 hours last night. We'll have to take their word for it because we've never seen that happen here at home.

--I got a little R&R this evening as my boys Mika and Ron got together to bottle the Hazelnut Brown Ale we brewed last month. I'll let you know how that turns out in a few weeks.Valerie and Ann stayed with Jenna and they watched chick flicks. At least that's what they said they did.

--Valerie is coming over tomorrow morning to help Jenna out while I go to a continuing education course on Baclofen pumps. I figure after the past week of drains and tubes, the course will be a breeze.

I'll update you again tomorrow evening.
Au revoir!

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

The good-Jenna had 2 drains removed at Dr. Atwood's this afternoon. She is healing as well as can be expected and most importantly got all of her dressings changed. The tape over her incisions has been driving her crazy the past 2 days. Also today, Noah had a rash over his entire body and Magga had to take him to the doctor. He has an upper respiratory infection and we have found out he may have missed out on Daddy's black hair but he got Daddy's allergy to Penicillin. I listed this with the good because it is way better to discover an allergy to Penicillin during a mild infection than the way I discovered I was allergic.

The Bad-As well as Jenna is doing, Dr. Atwood gave us a timetable for the next week or so and his best case scenario has Noah coming home on the 31st. We were really hoping to get him home the middle of next week but I know its for the best.

The Ugly-Sometimes when it rains it pours. Since we don't have enough on our plates right now, our youngest dog Bogie has gotten very ill and is in Weddington Animal Hospital. Bogie is Noah's favorite of our dogs and he is also 'our' dog since I had him a whole 3 days before meeting Jenna. At the kennel yesterday he started vomiting and had bloody diarrhea. They called me and I took him to the vet yesterday afternoon. Now they are trying to figure out why he has such acute gastroenteritis. The vet thinks the onset was too fast for it to be cancer so she's betting on a bad bacterial infection in his colon. He is on an IV for dehydration and for his antibiotic. He was feeling a little better this afternoon when I went to visit him but he's still pretty sick. The vet said she thinks our course of treatment is working but she's now trying to figure out why his blood isn't clotting. It could be a dehydration thing or it could be more systemic. I have a lot of faith in Weddington so I know he's in good hands but now that the other 2 dogs are home his absence is very noticeable. Here's a pic so you can root for him.
Bogie

Thank Goodness for Narcotics!!

Man, I am thankful for the great medicine that keeps me comfortable. I believe all the "big boy" medicine from the hospital has finally run out. I am having to rely on more medicine at home now, but that is okay. I don't need to be a hero! The best way I can describe the way it feels is that I have a corset on pulled very, very tight. And, after a nap, I feel really stiff. I am hopeful to have two drains removed tomorrow. The sites where they are stitched in getting sort of irritated.

I enjoy reading peoples comments and it touches my heart to see how many are keeping up. Reba, I am reading In Her Shoes by Jennifer Weiner. It was a movie a few years ago and I cannot wait to watch it after I finish the book. I have read a couple of other books by her too and enjoyed them as well. Yes, it did feel weird to have the school start and me not be there. How are things at Walker? I am going to miss Debbie.

I talked with Gail today and she said little Noah is doing great. He is certainly keeping her busy. She said her house is a disaster with toys everywhere! My house has been very clean without Noah and the dogs. The dogs will be back today. Gonna nap now, bye.

A Good Day

Jenna had a good day for the most part. She woke up this morning in the most amount of pain she's been in yet. This was probably due to sleeping 10 hours between pills so it was by far the longest she's gone without anything. So she was a little behind on pain management the entire day. She napped from 2-5 this afternoon. This morning she spent reading the book she's suddenly got into.

A few friends are over now and she's sitting on the deck enjoying some fresh air. I still call it a good day because she's in a good mood and alert and being sassy.

It's Jenna posting!

I am finally home. The last few days are a real blur and although, many have said I seemed really alert, I feel like I was completly looped! Thank you to everyone who has called, prayed, visited, sent flowers, or even taken the time to read the posts my very supportive husband has left. I cannot even find to words to express my appreciation. Of course I needed the medical staff and conventional medicine to get me through this physically, but to have such a vast support group has had a definite effect on my attitude and emotional health.

I just took some time to go through and read the posts and am quite embarassed at the "lovely" pics Chad posted of me. I still look like a 5th grader with my glasses on! I enjoyed seeing people at the hospital and welcome visitors at home. Chad will be going back to work tomorrow and my mother will be here with me during the day. Just give me a ring ahead of time to make sure I am not getting my beauty sleep. I need it right now!

I sort of feel a loss for words right now because I am so overwhelmed with the kindness of everyone. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart for loving me. I will be as good as new before long!